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June 5, 2020
Christina Chiu's Playlist for Her Novel "Beauty"
In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.
Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Lauren Groff, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy Bloom, Aimee Bender, Roxane Gay, and many others.
Christina Chiu's Beauty is a compelling and rewarding look at one woman's life, and one of the year's finest novels.
Elissa Schappell wrote of the book:
"With sly wit and a sure hand Chiu embroiders the life of a female fashion designer whose sexuality, ambition and creative vision make the traditional roles of perfect daughter, wife, and mother, let’s say, a challenging fit. Unapologetically honest and compulsively readable."
In her own words, here is Christina Chiu's Book Notes music playlist for her novel Beauty:
Beauty is about a Chinese American woman, Amy Wong, who goes into the New York fashion industry. She’s a gifted, up-and-coming designer; she’s young, beautiful, and seems to have it all. But life obstacles similar to what many women face every day—chauvinism, prejudice, marriage, motherhood—result in a deep loss of self.
We believe beauty for women is a source of power and privilege, but sexism and racism can intersect, projecting stereotypes onto Asian women and objectifying them to the point of fetishism. Our culture buys into these notions to the point in which Asian women, struggling for acceptance, belonging, identity, and beauty, often play into these roles.
One aspect I love about Amy is that she is sex positive and unabashedly sexual. Sex plays a significant role in this novel. Beauty covers the span of her lifetime, starting when she is in her mid teens and concluding in her mid 70s. The reader becomes privy to Amy’s evolving understanding of beauty, family, and power. More importantly, we see her karmic path and the lessons she must face. Early traumas shadow much of her adult relationships, but after finally hitting rock bottom, Amy is given a chance to change. For so many of us, a door opens, we need only to walk through it. Do we recognize the gift we’ve been given? Or do we slam the door back shut again? Without dropping any spoilers, I’ll leave you with this….
Wild Hen— “Happy” by Mitski Miyawaki
Mitski described her album Puberty 2 like this: “Happiness fucks you.” She also stated: “Happiness is up, sadness is down, but one’s almost more destructive than the other. When you realize you can’t have one without the other, it’s possible to spend periods of happiness just waiting for that other wave.”
“Happy” played over and over in my mind when I wrote this chapter. Amy is 16, and her privileged life is about to hit a major hurdle. Her father is having an affair. The irony is that Amy’s parents are immigrants who struggled as a couple to attain the American dream, and now that they have achieved it—a house in Scarsdale, New York, an older daughter in med school, and a younger daughter who is, well, okay, less than stellar, but the perfect Chinese American Princess—their marriage starts to fail in a universally horrific way. The trauma sets off a chain reaction of events that continue to echo late into Amy’s adulthood.
Bootman—“Nobody” by Mitski Miyawaki
In this chapter of Beauty, Amy suffers from feelings of abandonment and loneliness, and just about every stanza in “nobody” echos where Amy is emotionally, especially when Mitski sings, “And I know no one will save me /I’m just asking for a kiss/Give me one good movie kiss/And I'll be alright.”
Unfortunately, in “Bootman,” Amy does not come out of the situation “all right.”
Shadow—“This Side of Paradise” by Hayley Kiyoko
Hayley has said “This Side of Paradise” was inspired by F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel by the same name. “I immediately fell in love with the phrase and wanted to write my own interpretation of it,” Kiyoko explained. “It represents a world where you can finally be with the one you love, and the only time you can be, is in your dreams.”
The protagonist in Fitzgerald’s novel struggles with the feeling of always being on the outside of paradise, as if watching happiness and love through a glass wall. Haley went so far as to portray this in the music video, too. In terms of Beauty and the chapter “Shadow,” this is Amy’s experience, especially toward the end of the chapter, which takes a really dark turn and foreshadows what happens much later in life.
A Kiss—“Your Best American Girl” by Mitski Miyawaki
In her elite and very prestigious master’s program in fashion design, Amy struggles with issues of belonging. It’s a competitive environment, and a white world. On one occasion, Amy’s with a guy she’s involved with, and because she hangs back (she’s sizing him up), he makes assumptions and says, “Why are you walking behind me? I would have thought a woman like you would have overcome such old world customs.” Amy tries to be an American girl, but as Mitski puts it: “And you're an all-American boy/I guess I couldn't help trying to be your best American girl/You’re the one/You’re all I ever wanted/I think I'll regret this.” In this chapter, Amy attends an industry party where she meets and has a sexual encounter with fashion giant Jeff Jones.
Prenups & Other Engagements—“More than Real” by Connie Lim
Nothing speaks to this chapter better than Connie Lim’s “More than Real.” Amy has fallen in love with the great Jeff Jones, a figure larger than life, and who is much older and experienced than she. Just days before the nuptials while Amy is getting fitted in her wedding dress, Jeff asks Amy to sign a prenup. Guests from Asia have already started arriving. Amy consents, but she’s stunned and confused. Disillusioned. “Oh can you be more than real, real/Oh can you be more than real, real/Yea you promised me the world on a fast track/But I knew that I could never trust that/The more you come the more you go/…Yea you told me that we would be together/But your words will change with the weather/The more you come, the more you go.”
A Wedding—“Fog over Water” by Connie Lim
Juxtaposed against the wedding of another couple, Amy recognizes the end of her own marriage. Jeff’s cheating and she knows it. “Friends” of theirs snub her and Jeff doesn’t say or do anything about it. Even still, like many women, she hopes and waits for him to come around. To return to her: “Your love, your love, is like fog over water/Your love, your love won't be gone for much longer/Meant to fade, yet will come back again…Will you come back again?”
Blood—“Say Something” by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
This is the moment. Amy has finally decided she will leave. She has put it off again and again, but now she’s ready. After their son’s accident, a secret she’s held onto is revealed. She let’s Jeff go: Say something, I'm giving up on you/And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you/And anywhere, I would have followed you/Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I'm giving up on you…”
Black Ice—“Save Me” by Aimee Mann
Amy leaves Jeff, who takes over the responsibility of being their son’s primary caretaker. On her own now, she tries to build a career, starting with an internship and slowly working her way up. But just as she’s finally about to make a breakthrough, the situation with Jeff changes and Amy must take over full responsibility for the care of their special needs son. Struggling financially, Amy moves in with her boyfriend and his son. He guilt trips her, insisting they marry. Amy has doubts, but gives in to him. As her aspirations are subsumed by the special needs of her son, she feels lost and hopeless. “You look like a perfect fit/for a girl in need of a tourniquet,” Aimee Mann sings. “But can you save me/Come on and save me.”
Loved. Past Tense—“Quiet” by MILCK/Connie Lim
It’s no surprise that Amy’s second marriage proves to be another mistake. His controlling and manipulative sides quickly become apparent, and during some of his most violent physical and emotional exchanges, Amy is forced to suffer in silence. “Put on your face/Know your place/Shut up and smile/Don’t spread your legs/I could do that,” Lim sings. “But no one knows me, no one ever will/If I don't say something, if I just lie still…”
Lim was physically abused by a boyfriend as a teenager. She has said she kept quiet for too long. She took “Quiet” to Washington DC on January 21, 2017, the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration. Forming a capella group of 25 singers from around the country, she performed “Quiet” at the Women’s March. The video went viral, which is how I discovered her. What resonates most with me about Connie's work is her philosophy: “Everyone deserves beautiful moments and I want that to shine through in my music,” she said. It’s exactly how I feel about my own work.
“I didn’t think my song about surviving abuse would have a place,” Lim said, “but the timing turned out to be perfect.” I felt this way about Beauty. I didn’t think this book would get picked up, and in fact, my agent was not able to sell it to a major publisher. But then I saw one of my favorite writers, Gish Jen, was judging the contest for the James Alan McPherson award. I sent Beauty, and to my amazement, it won!
The Master’s Class—“Scars to Your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara
I was listening to this song when the initial ideas for this chapter came to me: "But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark / You should know you're beautiful just the way you are / And you don't have to change a thing, the world could change its heart / No scars to your beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful…” At the recommendation of her close friend, Amy attends a personal development course. The methods seem strange to her, but ultimately, she comes away with a shocking realization that changes the way she feels about herself. Once aware of the belief that has imprisoned her, she is finally free.
Dust—“Possession" by Sarah McLachlan
If there’s anything I’ve learned from the #MeToo movement, it’s that many women have experienced sexual violence, rape, or the fear of rape. During my research for Beauty, I learned that male malignant narcissists tend to emotionally abuse and manipulate their partners. They get violent if their partner leaves or attempts to leave, which is the case with Amy. Her son knows the extent of his rage and emotional instability, and masterminds a way to protect her, but at the cost of his own safety. There was a distinct stalker-like quality about the second ex that made me think of McLachlan’s “Possession,” which was inspired by letters from McLachlan’s stalkers. She lived in fear that she would be raped. Frustrated, she decided to take back her power by envisioning herself in their shoes and writing a song: “And I would be the one/To hold you down/Kiss you so hard/I’ll take your breath away/And after I’d, wipe away the tears/Just close your eyes dear…”
Closet into Eternity—“Father” by Demi Lovato
Amy attends her father’s funeral in Hong Kong. At this point, she’s in her forties and seeing him for the first time since she was 16. “Were you really that unhappy?” Amy asks, standing over his casket. “Because we loved you, Daddy. I loved you.” Writing this particular scene was heartbreaking, and reminded me of Lovato: "Father, I'm gonna say thank you/Even if I'm still hurt/Oh, I'm gonna say bless you/I wanna mean those words/Always wished you the best/I, I prayed for your peace/Even if you started this/This whole war in me…”
Lost and Found—“Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys
"[The album] is really about finding your own passion,” Keys has said, “finding your own flow and standing in your own space.” In Beauty, Amy is finally where she wants to be in her life. She has a successful career, is close friends with Jeff, and her boys are grown, independent, and on their own. As Executive Creative Director of Jeff Jones, Amy is, without a doubt, a “Girl on Fire.”
Black Lace and Blue Secrets—“Ocean Eyes” by Billie Eilish
While Eilish is singing about romantic love, Amy’s true love is her granddaughter, Kathryn. She hopes Kathryn will step into her Grandfather’s shoes and become the designer Amy feels she could—and should—be. But in an ironic reversal, Amy’s granddaughter decides to marry. She wants children. For the sake of her granddaughter’s happiness, can Amy set aside her own desires and expectations and accept and appreciate her granddaughter’s life choices? If this were a film, I’d picture Kathryn watching Amy with “ocean eyes.” “No fair, you really know how to make me cry,” Amy would say. “When you gimme those ocean eyes/I’m scared/I’ve never fallen from quite this high/Falling into your ocean eyes/Those ocean eyes.”
Christina Chiu is the author of Troublemaker and Other Saints. Her stories have appeared in Tin House, The New Guard Literary Review, Washington Square, The MacGuffin, and elsewhere. Troublemaker won the Asian American Literary Award and was chosen for the Alternate Section of the Book-of-the-Month Club. Chiu received her MFA in creative writing from Columbia. She is a founder of the Asian American Writers Workshop, and has worked in the fashion industry as a shoe designer. Find her at www.christinachiu.org.
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