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April 6, 2022
Caleb Tankersley's Playlist for His Story Collection "Sin Eaters"
In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.
Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Lauren Groff, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy Bloom, Aimee Bender, Roxane Gay, and many others.
Awarded the 2021 Permafrost Fiction Book Prize, Caleb Tankersley's collection Sin Eaters is haunting and imaginative.
Julie Iromuanya wrote of the book:
"Sin Eaters uses an off-kilter approach to explore religion, faith, and the oddities of what it means to be human in a vast world beyond our grasp. These rich, highly imagined stories are deeply felt and emotionally resonant with a humor that sneaks up on you."
In his own words, here is Caleb Tankersley's Book Notes music playlist for his story collection Sin Eaters:
Sin Eaters is—in a nutshell—about jaded religion, burgeoning sexuality, and growing up. Many of these songs speak to one or more of those themes and inform the book. I was raised in a very evangelical environment as the son of a minister—a PK (Preacher’s Kid) in the lingo of the church. In late high school/early college I came to terms with the fact that I was gay, which threw my life and spiritual worldview for a loop. Music was a big part of my life, and I attended as many live shows as I could afford. The new music I discovered became a means of expressing my coming out, both in terms of sexuality and in emerging from a repressive religious culture without knowing where else to go or how else to be. Many of these songs speak to the struggle of religion, repression, and desire that marked my early life and shaped so many of the stories in Sin Eaters (which is why most of these songs are indie rock from the 2000s).
“Ready to Start” Arcade Fire
Arcade Fire’s music was extremely important to my younger, post-evangelical mindset. Many of their songs explore similar themes to the book, especially the albums Neon Bible and The Suburbs, which are both masterpieces. They sing songs of escape. (Sequoia Nagamatsu said “escape” was one of the main themes of my collection.) Arcade Fire’s music is so connected to the book’s idea of emerging out of religion that I’ve quoted from this song in the epigraph of the book. “Ready to Start” has a wonderful, propulsive drum and bass beat that gradually builds to a quiet explosion at the end of the song, the lyrics therein being “I would rather be wrong/ than live in the shadow of your song.” I remember repeating these lyrics to myself out loud on a midnight run. One of the ways I used to burn off extra energy/frustration was to go running alone at 11:00 PM or midnight. I loved hitting the pavement in the middle of quiet residential streets, feeling like the whole town was my own. During my midnight runs I used to listen to this entire album, beginning to end. (I very much respect the sanctity of the album, the journey of it, much like a story collection.)
“Kim & Jessie” M83
M83 is one of my favorite bands and is a staple of my daily playlist. My favorite M83 song is “We Own the Sky,” but that song moves to a slower, more low-energy rhythm. “Kim & Jessie” does a better job of capturing the youthful innocence that pops through in some of the book’s stories, especially “Candy Cigarettes” and “Ghosts on TV”: the fun, mysterious aspect of childhood, the sense of confinement contrasted with power and possibility. Upbeat but with bits of darkness around the edges. There’s M83 in a nutshell (especially their terrific concept album Before the Dawn Heals Us, my favorite album from them by far).
“Dear God, I Hate Myself” Xiu Xiu
There are many lovely songs on this album, also titled Dear God, I Hate Myself. Xiu Xiu does such a good job with chaotic weirdness, and many of their songs manage to capture a sense of irony, which is difficult to achieve in music. “Dear God, I Hate Myself” features all of these odd qualities alongside a sort of bouncy fun. (“Chocolate Makes You Happy” is another gem from the same album.) The song is driven by voice, a person spiraling into depression and discussing the ways in which they no longer recognized their own behavior, all contrasted against the strange crashing sounds in the background. This song connects to many of the “losing my religion” elements of the book. (And maybe this song takes the place of REM’s “Losing My Religion” in the playlist.)
“Flood” Jars of Clay
Through large parts of my childhood, I listened exclusively to Christian music. I followed Christian record labels, went to Christian festivals, and basically believed that the rest of my radio was filled with lesser music for weaker humans. (Hardcore evangelicalism is full of arrogance.) When I grew and woke up, one of the few Christian bands I continued to listen to was Jars of Clay. I began to appreciate how subversive their lyrics and themes were. Whereas many other Christian bands—then and now—churn out noxious, three-cord trash that portrays an overly positive world of rainbows, roses, and Jesus, Jars of Clay never shies away from real doubt, pain, and criticism. (Which is why they’re less accepted now by the closed-off Christian community.)
“Flood” opens with quiet acoustic verses interrupted by a powerful, booming chorus in which the singer vows to fight back against his own drowning. In an evangelical world that tells young, angsty teens they shouldn’t have anything to feel angsty about except the wicked influence of the flesh and the weak human world and that they only need to pray harder and harder and harder, a song that actually spoke to and validated that angst was invaluable.
“hell bent” Kenna
Kenna inhabits an interesting musical space outside genre, especially his first album New Sacred Cow, which contains “hell bent.” This song is airy and contemplative with a steady driving build that mirrors the emotional crescendos of the lyrics. “hell bent” focuses on the speaker’s attempts to escape the feeling of being controlled and become his own person. This was an album and song that a younger Caleb searching for himself deeply connected to. (“i’m gone” is another great song from this album that addresses the same themes in a more maniacal way.)
“Sam’s Town” The Killers
Sam’s Town is—in my opinion—The Killers’ best album, and the title song is a perfect encapsulation of its themes. “Sam’s Town” takes us through a series of confusing snippets of life in a small town, from the twisted to the downright absurd. (In the second verse Brandon Flowers sings “running through my veins/ An American masquerade.”) The chorus soars as the speaker screams out for escape from this surprisingly dark environment: “So why do you waste my time?/ Is the answer to the question on your mind/ And I’m sick of all my judges/ So scared of letting me shine” Growing up myself in a small town that was both comforting and claustrophobic, I related to the desperate striving this song and album project, which are some of the same emotional notes that I hope can be seen in stories like “Apparitions” or “The Feed Corn Sea.”
“Ode to My Next Life” Kishi Bashi
This song is vibrant and fantastical, almost like a space opera, all with an undercurrent of what the song calls “sad desire.” I love all of Kishi Bashi’s albums, but Sonderlust is definitely my favorite. “Ode to My New Life” in particular portrays that sense of energetic melancholy that I feel is a quintessential Kishi Bashi sound. In last year’s Spotify roundup, I was labeled as being in the top 0.5% of Kishi Bashi listeners, so it’s fair to same I’m a huge fan. He’s one of the few artists I would actually play as I’m writing to keep myself in a particular mood.
“Famous Last Words” My Chemical Romance
When My Chemical Romance released The Black Parade, I was smitten and fell into a brief but intense “emo” phase in my musical taste. That term has less meaning now than it used to, and many of the groups I listened to are no longer interesting to me. But My Chemical Romance endures as a consistently solid band I return to and love. Their inventive music transcends many of the stereotypes of “emo” music to become something more complex and singular (which also applies to Gerard Way’s shoegazer solo album Hesitant Alien).
To a new ex-vangelical such as my younger self, the dark themes and imagery of The Black Parade were appealing when paired with just how much fun the band seems to have. This whole album sounds like a blow-out Halloween party. “Famous Last Words” in particular is an anthem of defiance and perseverance through hardship and lost love, which certainly resonates with the book and with my own experiences. I’m still a (very) amateur runner, although I no longer go out at midnight. But when my energy is fading and I need a boost to get up a steep hill, this is the song I return to.
“Heads Will Roll” Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Continuing with artists who aren’t afraid to have campy fun with dark themes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ “Heads Will Roll” is another song younger Caleb would listen to on repeat during a midnight run. Karen O’s voice is wonderfully smooth yet strained, as if each note is costing her some part of herself. The song builds to a wonderfully loud wall of guitar distortions, then drops to a softer section of Karen O whispering for listeners to close their eyes and follow her angelic voice through the looking glass. It’s a brief ethereal moment before the song returns to its opening, driving drumbeat. I love the movement in this song, and that underlying synth/organ sound feels like spending the night in a haunted church.
Caleb Tankersley is the author of the chapbook Jesus Works the Night Shift. His writing can be found in Carve, The Cimarron Review, Hobart, Sycamore Review, and more. He is the managing director for Split/Lip Press and lives near Seattle. Sin Eaters is his debut collection.
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